Pairs: How To Use Japan's Most Popular Dating App As A Plus Size Woman

What is Pairs?

Pairs (ペアーズ) is one of Japan’s most popular dating apps. Unlike swiping-based apps like Tinder or Bumble that often focus on casual hookups, Pairs is designed for people looking for long-term, serious relationships. It has over 10 million photo I.D'd users in Japan, which makes the dating pool quite large—even if you live outside of Tokyo or Osaka.

It's free for women to use, including sending messages. Men, on the other hand, must pay a monthly fee to send and read unlimited messages. Because men have to pay to send unlimited messages, it helps reduce trolling, bots, casual pickup attempts, or people with bad intentions just "trying their luck." This creates a slightly more serious and respectful environment than free-for-all apps like Tinder.

The social perception of dating apps is shifting. While Tinder and Bumbl are seen more as casual apps, Pairs is marketed and used for those seeking serious long-term relationships and marriage. According to a 2024 survey conducted by the Children and Families Agency, 25.1% of married individuals under the age of 40 met their spouse through dating apps, surpassing traditional methods such as workplace introductions (20.5%) and school connections (9.9%) . This trend is particularly pronounced among younger generations. For instance, a survey highlighted that 24% of couples in their 20s met their marriage partner through a dating app, making it one of the most popular methods for this age group.

How to Use Pairs as a Woman

The app is entirely in Japanese, but if you open the website version in Google Chrome, you can easily auto-translate it to English (or your native language) and get through most of the process.

Once you sign up, you’ll be asked to:

• Fill out your profile

• Select interests/communities

• Choose what kind of relationship you’re looking for

• Upload photos

  
  

Take your time with this part—the more thoughtfully you fill out your profile, the more likely you are to match with someone who’s genuinely compatible.

If you’re not a Japanese speaker, consider writing your bio in both Japanese and your native language, or just in Japanese if you're short on space. You can use tools like ChatGPT or DeepL to help with translation. Just make sure to note that you used a translator and clearly state your actual Japanese level. You don’t want to accidentally mislead matches into thinking you're near-fluent if you're not. Including Japanese in your profile helps bridge the gap and shows you're willing to put effort into cross-cultural relationships, while also making it easier to communicate with serious potential matches.

Once your profile is complete, you can browse freely through other users using detailed filters to narrow down your search. You can filter by location, relationship goals, age range, hobbies and interests—even income.

Use Plus Size “Communities” to Tell People About You

Pairs has a unique “Community” feature where users can join groups that reflect their interests, values, or identity. These communities are displayed right on your profile and help you connect with like-minded people. The most popular and broad interests include things like gourmet food, cafes, music genres, pachinko (gambling), hiking, and camping. The more niche the interest, the fewer people will appear in your matches—but if it’s something you genuinely connect with, you should include it in your profile.

In the image above are searches using the term デブ (debu: fat) and ぽっちゃり (Potchari: chubby) which leads to dozens of popular communities that you can join. Having some of these communities on your profile will help match you with people who are interested in your body type, or will let everyone in general know your body type/preferences.

Useful Search Terms To Find Plus Size Communities

You can use these terms to find general or specific groups for Plus Size people on Pairs.

English	Japanese	English	Japanese
Fat	デブ	Chubby	ぽっちゃり
I'm fat but...	デブですけどい...	Fat girls &...	おデブ女子&お...
Sorry, I'm fat...	デブでごめんな...	Chubby Girls...	ぽっちゃり女子...
Even though I'm chubby...	ぽっちゃりでも...	Fat girls...	デブの女の子が...
Chubby Glamour...	ぽっちゃりグラ...	Men who like fat...	デブが好きな男性

Tips for Plus-Size Foreign Women Using Pairs

• Join Plus-Size Friendly Communities

  There are communities for people who are interested in dating plus-size partners, as well as for plus-size people themselves. Adding these to your profile filters your matches naturally—people in these communities are attracted to plus size people, or are plus size themselves (depending on the group).

  
  

• Consider Joining Communities Focused on Language, Travel, or Your Home Country

  You’ll find many people in these groups who have spent time abroad, are serious about studying languages, or are curious about other countries and cultures.

• Be Patient

  Finding love in a foreign land takes time and effort. Being foreign, plus size and potentially not speaking the same language narrows your dating pool. You will likely need to talk to multiple people, make time to go on many introduction "dates", and sift through your matches to find the right person for you.
  

• Avoid Being Catfished - And Avoid Catfishing

  It's quite common on Japanese dating apps for people to post overly-filtered pictures of themselves, put stickers over faces or to just post random images to stay anonymous. If you do wish to follow that trend, it wouldn't be out of place. If you do want to share your image (face and/or body) try to be honest about your irl appearance. If you're worried about being catfished (it happens) pay close attention to how filtered an image is and if he looks similar in all photos. While bots, cults and trading/crypto accounts are rarer on Pairs, it still happens. If a profile looks too good to be true (really attractive man, posts a high salary but relatively vague bio, uses multiple handsome face shots), reverse image search his profile pics and be weary if he brings up how exciting and easy his work is (and if he offers you the oppurtunity to join his 'company'/talks to you about investments etc.)
  

• Add Language Info

  If you don’t speak Japanese fluently, that’s okay. Include your language level in your bio and join communities like “English Speakers in Japan” or similar. This helps you match with people who are open-minded towards dating non-Japanese speakers and are willing to navigate the language barrier.

  
  

• Stay True to Your Standards

  Just because you're in Japan doesn’t mean you have to lower your standards or accept vague intentions. Be clear about the kind of relationship you’re looking for, your lifestyle, and your values. Ask yourself "If I met this man in my home country, would I date him?" If the answer is no, then move on.

  
  

• Be Prepared to Exchange LINEs (And Add the Auto-Translate App) LINE is the most commonly used communication app in Japan. People rarely exchange phone numbers—in fact, it's considered unusual for someone to ask for your number!

  Men have to pay a fee to continue using Pairs over time, so it’s natural for them to want to switch to LINE after chatting for a bit. If someone says they don’t have LINE or Instagram, that can be a red flag.
  

  Men can browse Pairs for free and send one initial message. If you receive just one message asking for your LINE, be cautious.
  

  If you don’t speak Japanese, you can add an auto-translate function to LINE to make communication easier. Just keep in mind that translations aren't always accurate—they’re about the same level as Google Translate. Be patient, avoid slang, and try to use clear, grammatically correct sentences when possible. To use the translation service, add the translate bot as a friend, then create a group chat with your match and the translation bot - After that, all messages sent in English and Japanese will be automatically translated!

  
  

• Beware of Matches with Bad Intentions

  Unfortunately, some men may only see your size or ethnicity as a curiosity, fetish, or conquest. For instance, many Japanese men have a fascination with large breasts, and some men might pursue anyone they think fits that mold. Others may overly fantasize about foreign women or larger body types. It can be hard to spot red flags, especially if there’s a language barrier, but trust your gut. If someone is pushing for intimacy early on or only talks about your body or nationality a suspicious amount, they may not be interested in you as a person.

  
  

• Getting Physical or Talking Inappropriately Early On

  In Japan, it’s not normal for a man to ask inappropriate questions, engage in dirty talk, or be aggressively sexual in early conversations (especially if you haven't even met in real life yet). The “courting” period before he confesses (asks you to be his girlfriend) is usually when you get to know each other, discuss your values, and decide whether to pursue a long-term relationship. There may be sexual tension, but the usual flow (general for Japanese couples) of a relationship doesn't usually include physical intimacy or inappropriate topics until the relationship is established.

  
  

  If you prefer men who are rather bold with their approach, or you tend to be more direct and want things to move quickly, just be aware of possible cultural differences of his/your actions and the dating culture here.

• Establish Boundaries on Talking About Your Weight, Dieting, and Off-hand Comments

  Physical appearance, diet, weight, and health are normal topics of conversation in Japan. It's not unusual for a partner to point out your poor eating habits, a slight weight gain or something about your appearance. If these types of comments make you uncomfortable, gently let your potential partner know ASAP, as they may be unaware they are being hurtful.

• "Are We Dating the Same Guy - Japan"

  These Facebook groups exist all over the world and are great if you have any doubts about the men you are meeting (cheating, problematic/bad behaviour, etc). The Japan version is fairly new but has many posts from women across the country helping each other.

Beware of Married Men and Other Red Flags

Compared to apps like Bumble and Tinder, Pairs has far fewer bots, fewer users seeking FWB arrangements, and—ideally—fewer married men. However, even though men must pay a fee to use Pairs, some still join looking for casual flings. Pairs is marketed for people seeking long-term relationships and marriage, but that doesn’t stop a determined few from using it for something else.

You Can Be Sued for Dating a Married Man in Japan

There’s a very real— and actionable— reason to avoid married men in Japan: if his spouse discovers the affair, she can sue both her husband and you for emotional damages. Private investigators are a huge industry here, and thousands of these claims are filed each year. A suspicious spouse can hire an investigator to follow her husband, collect photo evidence, and build a legal case.

For you, that could mean hefty fines and being dragged into a Japanese legal battle. Liability typically ranges from around ¥500,000 to ¥3,000,000 (approximately US $3,000–$20,000 or more) in compensation for emotional distress.

• Here’s a rough guide to how courts decide the amount:

  • Short-term affair (a few months, no divorce caused) → around 500,000 to 1,000,000 yen.

  • Long-term affair (years, clear betrayal, even if no divorce) → 1,000,000 to 2,000,000 yen.

  • Affair that directly caused divorce → 2,000,000 to 3,000,000 yen or more.

How Can You Know If A Man Is Married?

Especially in the early stages, or the talking stages before you meet and start having dates in person, it can be difficult to determine if a man you met online is already in a relationship. As things progress, there are some red flags you can look out for.

🚩 He only contacts you during working hours (10 AM–6 PM) and goes silent at night and on weekends.

🚩 He says he doesn't have LINE 

🚩 He never shares personal information like his last name, the area he lives or his workplace

🚩 You never go to his apartment, even just to meet up before going out. He doesn't want you anywhere near his home and refuses to have dates in the local neighborhood

🚩 He refuses to travel with you during long holidays (like Golden Week)—huge red flag because that’s when married men are expected to be with family.

🚩 He never spends the night with you

🚩 He only calls you by a nickname in public (to avoid people overhearing your real name).

🚩 He’s very protective of his phone (never leaves it unattended, always face-down, locked tightly)

🚩 He uses a “second phone” (common in cheating cases, called 二股ケータイ futamata-keitai)

🚩 He refuses to introduce you to his friends or coworkers, even if you have been dating long-term

No LGBTQ+ or Friend Options on Pairs

A downside of the Pairs Dating App for some is the lack of LGBTQ+ and friend-finding options. Genders are limited to male and female, and if you select one, you will only be shown profiles of the other gender.

Should You Try the Pairs Dating App?

If you're in Japan and looking for a long-term partner, Pairs has one of the highest success rates of any dating app in the country. A recent report stated that 63.5% of users went on to establish a meaningful long-term relationship. As of 2025, the company reported over 20 million registered users in Japan. Bumble—and especially Tinder—remain popular, but they tend to focus more on short-term relationships, casual flings, or friendship. In the Facebook group Are We Dating the Same Guy?, most complaints and inquiries about men cheating or exhibiting bad behavior seem to stem from matches made on Bumble and Tinder.

As a woman, you can use Pairs for free and take some comfort in knowing that, due to the paywall for men, there are far fewer bots and scammers. While no dating app is perfect, Pairs offers a wide range of filters and tools to help you connect with someone who genuinely appreciates you.

Comparison of Popular Dating Apps In Japan

App Name	Users in Japan	Intention	English Option
Pairs	20+ million	Serious	Browser Version can be translated
Tapple	20+ million	Serious/Casual (popular among 20s~30s)	No
Omiai	10+ million	Serious	No
Tinder	~7 million	Casual	Yes
Bumble	>1 million	Casual	Yes

The Pros and Cons of Pairs

Pros

✅ Relationship-Focused: Designed for people looking for serious, long-term relationships.

✅ Large User Base: Over 20 million users in Japan means more potential matches.

✅ Free for Women: Women can use most features without paying, unlike some other apps.

✅ Fewer Scammers: Men must pay to message, which acts as a filter against bots and unserious users.

✅ Extensive Filters: Lets you search by lifestyle habits, income, education, body type, and more.

✅ Community Groups: Join interest-based communities to find people with shared values and hobbies.

✅ Mostly Japanese Users: Great for those seeking a local partner and immersion in Japanese culture.

✅ Language Options: The App is only available in Japanese, but you can use the site through your web browser, allowing you to auto-translate the site

Cons

❌ Requires Facebook or Phone Verification: Some users dislike linking personal info to a dating app.

❌ Not Foreign-Focused: Most users are Japanese; if you don’t speak the language, it can be challenging.

❌ Limited Messaging Without Matching: You can’t freely message until both people like each other.

❌ App Interface Can Be Overwhelming: Lots of options and features may feel cluttered or confusing at first.

❌ Matching Can Be Slow: Because people are more selective, getting matches may take longer than on apps like Tinder.

❌ No LGBTQ+ Options: Genders are set to male or female only; you're automatically shown profiles of people of the opposite gender that you choose.

If you're serious about finding love in Japan—especially as a foreign or plus-size woman who plans to live here long-term —Pairs is a great choice. With its large user base, relationship-focused design, and safety features, it's one of the most reliable platforms for building something meaningful. Whether you're new to dating apps or tired of the games on Tinder, Pairs is worth trying.